Saturday
Up at 7am and drinking COFFEEEE! (And coffee doesn't like me.) Did my ablutions, then got stuck back into Bravo Two Zero. Its almost at an end now anyway, wahaay, I can get on with life haha. Its been quite the page turner, though I suspect parts are exaggerated.
Chicken nuggets and tocs (bread) for dinner. Lorraine called at 1:40pm asking if I wanted to go to the Windsor to watch the Wales v Ireland rugby match. I declined and she left. Watched the game at 3pm upstairs and I was correct in thinking we would get beat by the Irish because its finished Wales 23 Ireland 26. Shots if Irish ladies in the crowd were much appreciated, proof that Ireland like Wales has beautiful women. Gorgeous!
I drank in the evening starting 8:30pm. But only 4 Special Brews (I say only but they are 9% remember.) I knew this bout of sobriety wouldn't last long. I burnt fishcakes too.
Entries from the 1998 ~ 2005 diaries of poet Steven Francis. Might sting some but nothing is fabricated or exaggerated.
Tuesday 25 September 2012
Friday 21 September 2012
February 16, 1999
Tuesday
Awoke 7am, cup of tea and quick look through "Official Playstation Magazine" to try and sway me to go to Swansea (for a PSX game of course.) I looked at Brian Lara Cricket then Actua Golf 3. (I really want Metal Gear Solid but its not out until late Feb.) Stuff it, went to to buy tcket to Swansea. The train wasn't due 'til 11:45am so I went back to Elkington Towers for a cigarette. I hate smoking on the street and will only resort to it in emergencies. Im considerate to a non smokers. On the train I saw a few 'Kappa Slappers', you know the sort, teenage girls smoking like chimneys with a lust for quick gropes and shady dealings behind bikesheds. Like Lex. Sad really. Felt uneasy on the choo choo and a drink wasn't too far from my thoughts but it lifted when we arrived in the city. Checked out 5th Dimension. Cricket or golf? Didn't have much time because I wanted to catch the 1:05pm back and it was by now 12:25pm. Went to the book shop on the high street and bought Bravo Two Zero over another Kray Twins book because im fed with those pathetic stories.
Hit 5th Dimension once again and opted to go with Actua Golf 3, which was £33 and three quid cheaper than cricket (although that wasn't the deciding factor. Afterall what is £3 when you're spending £33?) Caught train home. There was police at Swansea station, someone had discovered a bag of money. If id found it YIPPEE hehe.
Read some Bravo Two Zero. Lunch of 2 pork chops and at 4:20pm I booted up the golf game. Dad liked the look of it, I could tell as he watched. By 10pm Id won the AMA Offshore Nationals. I like golf. Bacon sarnie and kettle chips then read and slept.
** Zero Booze**
Awoke 7am, cup of tea and quick look through "Official Playstation Magazine" to try and sway me to go to Swansea (for a PSX game of course.) I looked at Brian Lara Cricket then Actua Golf 3. (I really want Metal Gear Solid but its not out until late Feb.) Stuff it, went to to buy tcket to Swansea. The train wasn't due 'til 11:45am so I went back to Elkington Towers for a cigarette. I hate smoking on the street and will only resort to it in emergencies. Im considerate to a non smokers. On the train I saw a few 'Kappa Slappers', you know the sort, teenage girls smoking like chimneys with a lust for quick gropes and shady dealings behind bikesheds. Like Lex. Sad really. Felt uneasy on the choo choo and a drink wasn't too far from my thoughts but it lifted when we arrived in the city. Checked out 5th Dimension. Cricket or golf? Didn't have much time because I wanted to catch the 1:05pm back and it was by now 12:25pm. Went to the book shop on the high street and bought Bravo Two Zero over another Kray Twins book because im fed with those pathetic stories.
Hit 5th Dimension once again and opted to go with Actua Golf 3, which was £33 and three quid cheaper than cricket (although that wasn't the deciding factor. Afterall what is £3 when you're spending £33?) Caught train home. There was police at Swansea station, someone had discovered a bag of money. If id found it YIPPEE hehe.
Read some Bravo Two Zero. Lunch of 2 pork chops and at 4:20pm I booted up the golf game. Dad liked the look of it, I could tell as he watched. By 10pm Id won the AMA Offshore Nationals. I like golf. Bacon sarnie and kettle chips then read and slept.
** Zero Booze**
Tuesday 18 September 2012
Diary Intro '97 Cover
Welcome to my intro to my 1997 diary. And yes I took some drugs in my time, even prescribed some legally as you can see from the Nitrazepam label wich I peeled off one of my medication bottles.
February 8, 1999
Monday
I didnt get any sleep last night. I saw bloody weird things though (alcohol withdrawal), at one point I imagined I saw a spirit in my aquarium!? And boy I felt close to a breakdown. All for what? That dreadful curse of mine: booze. Still life isn't peachy, I'll have to dust myself down and simply try again. I do want (and need) sobriety and ive tried to quit on my own. Ive had family and friends try keeping me dry, even had people who were like me in rehab and none have worked or been remotely successful. So I spoke to God this afternoon. After reading up on Buddha (sorry Big Guy) can a man have two Gods? "Have no God before me" says God but Buddha I read didnt claim to be a God, he just wanted enlightenment. Buddhism suits me fine, it simply tells one to not worry about past or future and be nice to folk (good karma), plus they tell you not to use alcohol, drugs etc which I need.
Lunch was two plaice fillets and bread. Finished my writing and fired up the Playstation while preparing a bath. I still have a dizzy head and at times felt quite 'mad'. I enjoy radio as most mad folks seem to haha. Got washed and had a cup of tea at 9pm. Didn't get cigarettes, it would have shaken me to leave the house. Would be the perfect time to quit smoking if I wanted but I don't. I smoked the one ciggie that I did have then crawled the ashtray. Nothing but I found 4 biggish butts in a carrier bag and smoked those, dragging heavily. Whe you have the shakes a cigarette is dandy. Around 10pm it felt like my mind was going to snap a few times, it was awful.
I hate alcohol, (its more love/hate) but I don't want the bitch back. Ate fishfingers and bread plus 2 pork sarnies with crisps. Went to sleep around 1:40am but it was frightening what with a tidy dollop of paranoia and crazy visions behind eyelids.
** Zero Booze **
I didnt get any sleep last night. I saw bloody weird things though (alcohol withdrawal), at one point I imagined I saw a spirit in my aquarium!? And boy I felt close to a breakdown. All for what? That dreadful curse of mine: booze. Still life isn't peachy, I'll have to dust myself down and simply try again. I do want (and need) sobriety and ive tried to quit on my own. Ive had family and friends try keeping me dry, even had people who were like me in rehab and none have worked or been remotely successful. So I spoke to God this afternoon. After reading up on Buddha (sorry Big Guy) can a man have two Gods? "Have no God before me" says God but Buddha I read didnt claim to be a God, he just wanted enlightenment. Buddhism suits me fine, it simply tells one to not worry about past or future and be nice to folk (good karma), plus they tell you not to use alcohol, drugs etc which I need.
Lunch was two plaice fillets and bread. Finished my writing and fired up the Playstation while preparing a bath. I still have a dizzy head and at times felt quite 'mad'. I enjoy radio as most mad folks seem to haha. Got washed and had a cup of tea at 9pm. Didn't get cigarettes, it would have shaken me to leave the house. Would be the perfect time to quit smoking if I wanted but I don't. I smoked the one ciggie that I did have then crawled the ashtray. Nothing but I found 4 biggish butts in a carrier bag and smoked those, dragging heavily. Whe you have the shakes a cigarette is dandy. Around 10pm it felt like my mind was going to snap a few times, it was awful.
I hate alcohol, (its more love/hate) but I don't want the bitch back. Ate fishfingers and bread plus 2 pork sarnies with crisps. Went to sleep around 1:40am but it was frightening what with a tidy dollop of paranoia and crazy visions behind eyelids.
** Zero Booze **
Monday 17 September 2012
February 6, 1998
I began drinking quite early but kept a slow(ish) pace by hammering away on the Playstation. Though quite what I was looking at is beyond me! It was cider for breakfast, damn appletooth! (The beverage I mean, not my cat who ive named Cider.) Some people drink cider because its cheap but not I. I don't much like lager but have always enjoyed apple juice.
Ah wait, I remember Lorraine calling and going to the Windsor club with her to meet Rachel. Its slowly coming back to me as I write this days later.
Ah wait, I remember Lorraine calling and going to the Windsor club with her to meet Rachel. Its slowly coming back to me as I write this days later.
Sunday 16 September 2012
December 29, 1998
Some people think writing is easy or a 'cop out'. Some don't even consider it work!?? Are they mad? Probably. I don't hate them (much) but they frustrate the f**k out of me. Any way my laptop won't switch on, it needs a lithium battery. Bloody thing.
Went to my grans and we discussed whether its right to smack children or not. I said it was (mainly to wind her up) and mum agreed providing they were out of control. Gran said the birch didn't work but I recall a few years ago she said it did. Anyway I let it drop which is unusual for me as im normally like a terrier. Must have a headache.
Back home because I still had no battery, I played Tomb Raider III until 6.20pm then listened to "Oliver!"
Adele phoned at 7pm and we chatted for a while. She wanted to borrow my video recorder but of course my father wouldn't like it. Fi didn't go out on monday with her. And she said, "I love going to your mothers house with you." Adele gets on great with mum.
Had a bacon sarnie.
** Zero Booze **
Went to my grans and we discussed whether its right to smack children or not. I said it was (mainly to wind her up) and mum agreed providing they were out of control. Gran said the birch didn't work but I recall a few years ago she said it did. Anyway I let it drop which is unusual for me as im normally like a terrier. Must have a headache.
Back home because I still had no battery, I played Tomb Raider III until 6.20pm then listened to "Oliver!"
Adele phoned at 7pm and we chatted for a while. She wanted to borrow my video recorder but of course my father wouldn't like it. Fi didn't go out on monday with her. And she said, "I love going to your mothers house with you." Adele gets on great with mum.
Had a bacon sarnie.
** Zero Booze **
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