March 1st, 1999

Monday

As Ive said before, it was lovely to see Adele last night. She told me she would call on tuesday and we'd watch a few videos. I was up by 7am. and had one of the best working days (and longest) in a while. On a normal day (although regarding writing nothing is a normal day) Id work from 10am to 5pm and I'd get a fair deal done away with but today but today I worked from 8:30am to 8:10pm. Yep a near full 12 hours. Crazy but good eh?! I only stopped twice, once at 1:20pm for luncheon (until 2pm), then I popped to the library, 3:30pm and returned to my writing at 3:50pm (library is only around the corner.)
I nailed some great lines for my play "Punched Richard" (retitled "Gorilla Blanket" in 2007.) At 7pm I was hit by the idea of a comedy type poem which I decided to call "The Pub Crawl". Believe me this is totally different from my usual darker subjects, comdey is almost unheard of in my works. I do not have a funny bone in my entire body. All of them are bruised. And sad. The piece does have a bad side of course (what doesn't?) in the fact that its an every day truth but if you cannot turn something depressing into a thing of amusement then you're screwed in Life.
I have a few other poems on the boil too of course (im a poet, its what I do) so I'll crack on with them as soon as my eyes feel better. They're slightly 'letter strained' at the moment from my marathon 12 hour writing stint!
Poured myself a soothing drink 8:30pm, im doing bloody good! But alas 1 1/2 litres of cider won't do me much good (or do me much drunk haaaa) so I pulled a fiver from my magic wallet and trotted off to the Coop to get another 3 litres of Strongbow at 9pm, just as the shop was about to close.
Got merry and happy. Fell asleep. Bliss! Nos da x

February 16, 1999

Tuesday

Awoke 7am, cup of tea and quick look through "Official Playstation Magazine" to try and sway me to go to Swansea (for a PSX game of course.) I looked at Brian Lara Cricket then Actua Golf 3. (I really want Metal Gear Solid but its not out until late Feb.) Stuff it, went to to buy tcket to Swansea. The train wasn't due 'til 11:45am so I went back to Elkington Towers for a cigarette. I hate smoking on the street and will only resort to it in emergencies. Im considerate to a non smokers. On the train I saw a few 'Kappa Slappers', you know the sort, teenage girls smoking like chimneys with a lust for quick gropes and shady dealings behind bikesheds. Like Lex. Sad really. Felt uneasy on the choo choo and a drink wasn't too far from my thoughts but it lifted when we arrived in the city. Checked out 5th Dimension. Cricket or golf? Didn't have much time because I wanted to catch the 1:05pm back and it was by now 12:25pm. Went to the book shop on the high street and bought Bravo Two Zero over another Kray Twins book because im fed with those pathetic stories.
Hit 5th Dimension once again and opted to go with Actua Golf 3, which was £33 and three quid cheaper than cricket (although that wasn't the deciding factor. Afterall what is £3 when you're spending £33?) Caught train home. There was police at Swansea station, someone had discovered a bag of money. If id found it YIPPEE hehe.
Read some Bravo Two Zero. Lunch of 2 pork chops and at 4:20pm I booted up the golf game. Dad liked the look of it, I could tell as he watched. By 10pm Id won the AMA Offshore Nationals. I like golf. Bacon sarnie and kettle chips then read and slept.

** Zero Booze**

February 8, 1999

Monday

I didnt get any sleep last night. I saw bloody weird things though (alcohol withdrawal), at one point I imagined I saw a spirit in my aquarium!? And boy I felt close to a breakdown. All for what? That dreadful curse of mine: booze. Still life isn't peachy, I'll have to dust myself down and simply try again. I do want (and need) sobriety and ive tried to quit on my own. Ive had family and friends try keeping me dry, even had people who were like me in rehab and none have worked or been remotely successful. So I spoke to God this afternoon. After reading up on Buddha (sorry Big Guy) can a man have two Gods? "Have no God before me" says God but Buddha I read didnt claim to be a God, he just wanted enlightenment. Buddhism suits me fine, it simply tells one to not worry about past or future and be nice to folk (good karma), plus they tell you not to use alcohol, drugs etc which I need.
Lunch was two plaice fillets and bread. Finished my writing and fired up the Playstation while preparing a bath. I still have a dizzy head and at times felt quite 'mad'. I enjoy radio as most mad folks seem to haha. Got washed and had a cup of tea at 9pm. Didn't get cigarettes, it would have shaken me to leave the house. Would be the perfect time to quit smoking if I wanted but I don't. I smoked the one ciggie that I did have then crawled the ashtray. Nothing but I found 4 biggish butts in a carrier bag and smoked those, dragging heavily. Whe you have the shakes a cigarette is dandy. Around 10pm it felt like my mind was going to snap a few times, it was awful.
I hate alcohol, (its more love/hate) but I don't want the bitch back. Ate fishfingers and bread plus 2 pork sarnies with crisps. Went to sleep around 1:40am but it was frightening what with a tidy dollop of paranoia and crazy visions behind eyelids.

** Zero Booze **

February 6, 1998

I began drinking quite early but kept a slow(ish) pace by hammering away on the Playstation. Though quite what I was looking at is beyond me! It was cider for breakfast, damn appletooth! (The beverage I mean, not my cat who ive named Cider.) Some people drink cider because its cheap but not I. I don't much like lager but have always enjoyed apple juice.
Ah wait, I remember Lorraine calling and going to the Windsor club with her to meet Rachel. Its slowly coming back to me as I write this days later.